12wk - just an update

still the same.. agony of pregnancy. hungry every 2hrs yet no appetite.. full of energy yet nothing to do.. honestly i have been playing bingo games so often that i'm so bored yet i know i cant let go..  meal delivery this week looks better that last week - i've been eating SAME FOOD for whole of last week, no variety at all.. but i still managed to force some of it down into my throat. *so proud of myself*

i'm in my 12th week by now.. stabilizing, less pain, less freq urination.

12wk - agony of eating

it's hard getting the 'right' food into your mouth when you are pregnant. as much as i'm not really used to the lack of variety in taiwanese food, my little one is even more picky in food taste. fyi, kaohsiung is not as cosmopolitian as taipei where more food variety is; here mostly are braised food cos anything can be braised in dark soya sauce and goes well with rice. as much as i tried to live by all the braised stuff, my little jeremiah is stubborn against fish soup. the smell of fish really puts off any appetite at once, leaving me helpless but to force myself to eat whatever i can in order to provide some nutrients.

i have never thought eating could be such an obligation till now.. u know you must eat something yet your mouth n taste just refuse to obey willingly. yes, you can suggest having fruits, but strange enough, fruits variety in taiwan is fewer (and more expensive) than singapore. anyway, i have to be careful with fruits cos fruitose is causing some bloatings n discomfort... sigh. can the 40weeks be over soon? it's only 11weeks n 5days today ....

11wk - i've gained weight!!

to those who dont know me - it's easier for me to lose weight in days, rather than gaining. everyone i know has embarked on this 'help janet gain weight' project but resulted failure. yes, i could eat but the moment i hit stress, my weight will drop by 1-2kg in just few days. there goes their months of effort on gaining.

now that i'm pregnant, i'm so worried that jeremiah wont get enough nutrition cos i cant seem to eat enough for myself, let alone for two persons. on the last consultation, i lost weight from 43kg to 42kg in difference of 5days! my panick button was activated - besides fastfood and 'supposedly' healthy subway, what else can i eat without moving around? confinement meal delivery rejected my order cos their meals consist of chinese herbal which is not suitable for pre-nascence. omg, what shall i do??... no maid, no one to cook for me while joe is at work; and i need the nutrients~! this is the agony of home alone+bedbound pregnancy..

in midst of our worry, joe managed to come up with the idea of asking the food store downstairs to arrange simple meals delivery. though the idea was great, i really didnt have much hope cos it's not common for people in business to go beyond their line of products, just to cater to one customer, and let alone delivery. but to my surprise, they agree!! since this monday (10th June), i finally had my first taste of simple home-cooked meal! ever since i've been in kaohsiung, no takeaway could satisfy the craving of simple home-cooked food. *i really miss mum's cooking, no matter how rojak it is* i really thank God for this amazing arrangement - it's totally out of ordinary expectation. i'm very very touched by the lady's boss understanding and compassion on my situation. frankly, my heart was so so so full of gladness and thanksgiving when the first meal arrived. i was just so so touched.

well, that settled my eating problem though my tummy still cramp in pain.. hence i'm back to gynecologist again. *i really fear going to gynecologist - lying on the bed, you really dont know what he'll say after scan; and i fear for the worst* that's when i realised i've gained weight!! when nickii visited me and told me it's normal to lose some weight initially, i was half-doubt. now i saw i'm actually weighing at 44kg, i was shocked! i'm happy i'm in awe~! i actually gained weight though i ate nothing much. all i can say - God is in control!! everything from before conception to everything happened and happening, God has everything arranged! Thank You, Abba Father! thank You! though i'm of no faith, yet You are faithful and true! Thank You, Jesus!!

9wk - eat sleep eat

hi people, after the episode with my mother-in-law, i guess i have not update you that her seriously bad cough virus caught up with her the next day hence my ordeal ended as suddenly as it started. not that it's so bad to have her around, but it's just so sudden and uninformed! and .. ok, this part i'm complaining - she only cooks for her portion; when i woke up after nap, i have to cook for myself though i'd have gone out to grab some food, if she's not around. that cooking part is really tedious~  anyway she's back to her home now, resting and recovering from her very very bad cough.

putting mother-in-law's kind peripeteia aside, my little jeremiah has not been very good boy past days either, esp when his daddy is at home. his feeding hours generally are 10am, 12noon, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm and 8pm. and after every hamster-bites, he wants his 15min to 1hr rest, which practically demands his mother (ie your truly) to eat-sleep-eat every 2hours. and you know, sometimes by the time food is ready esp a long queue on weekends, it'll be some time past his feeding time. therefore, little boss inside will throw his temper by rejecting any food that comes after his time, declaring my body a war zone. his dad will then be so anxious cos i've lost 1kg in past 5days. *what can i do - my little boss controls my diet now* 

went to gynecologist on saturday, immediately after my chinese physician suggest i should cos i've some triggerings of pain in lower abdomen. that's why i realised i lost so much weight in mere few days, that's when his daddy started to be so anxious even though his son is safely growing in my womb with regular normal fast heartbeats. that's also when i'm kinda ordered to stay in bed, having permission to turn on aircon all day in this summer heat. *great, now i totally feel like a pig - eat sleep eat with minimum movement* 

my goodness, i cant wait for all these to be over.. where's the pregnancy glow which conned so many ladies to be pregnant?! and i cant wait to be back in singapore where all my food cravings are~~

9wk - surprise after surprise

You believe what just happened! What I thought was simple dinner with mother-in-law turned out to be start of tonight's surprises.
first - my cellgroup members wanted to pay me a visit which really blessed my heart cos i've not seen them for so long.
Second - my in-laws came to have dinner with me which awkwardly surprised me cos joe is not around this week.. nevertheless i m quite happy to have company for dinner. then.. its what came after dinner which really shocked me! instead of dropping me off n went their way home my mother-in-law brought out her luggage. for a whole i thought she's going to give me more foodstuff  which she usually dp.. but i realized what was her actual plan when in the lift - she is staying overnight here! i was stunned by her 'no notice' but i guess she must have planned it all along that explains her luggage. ...ok cool i can take it..

then my friends came. i m so so glad to see them. they totally lifted my awkwardness up n lighten my mood. we chatted about how i have been eat..*no they dont know my blog*  its when they commented that i m rather stiffen that i got started. stiffen? i thought i was relaxed enough despite the presence of my mother-in-law. i thought i was quite at ease already though little one inside wad still a bit unsettled. they are also surprised to see a lively and fast walker has turned into slow super slow stroller who cant afford any disturbance for her little one inside. frankly i cant believe it myself too. i have been taking awareness not to hunch my back. but still.. they notice the stiffness of my shoulders. what can i say?

perhaps its the last minute surprise of hosting my mother-in-law that puts me in uncomfortable yet i have to present natural. perhaps its my unsettled little boss inside who make me nervous. Or perhaps i just cant sit on lounge chair cos i need yo either lie down totally or sit upright at right angle. whatever it is i m just glad i m now lying on my bed.. still trying to recover from so many information... in one night and mere few hours. what a night.

9wk - little grape at week9

it's been a while..2weeks to be exact since i have seen and heard my baby. and after the emotional outburst, i was kinda worried and missing my baby.. so i went for unscheduled consultation, on excuse that joe was not with me on my previous visit.

for the whole day i was waiting, counting the hours for joe to return from work.. damn that took ages.. when i finally got to see my baby in his little grape shape and his fast 150bpm heartbeat, i felt so safe. yes, i felt assured to know this little guy is still safely inside and making progress. though i've not been eating well (full), it's amazing that i actually gained weight~! ^_^

and yes, i'm still feeling uncomfortable and restless all day. even though my boss is nesting well inside, i still feel discomfort, esp in this summer weather! it's so so so HOT! appetite is getting worse - i ask my boss for his preference and his reply was silence.. no craving, no direction of what i should eat. i just do my best to feed myself something each day, every 2hrs from 10am. gosh, why 12hrs a day is so so hard to get by, when you are pregnant? time really crraawwlllss now.

maybe i should get myself something to do.. like?? unlike singapore, there's not much pregnancy workshops or classes here, at least none from the people i know, none from my gynecologist. so.. pregnancy in kaohsiung is like waiting to eggs to hatch - sit and eat, do nothing at home all day? oh ok, most of the ladies here actually prefer to stay at home so no issue to them.. but not me!! help~~ what can i do now to make my life better, at least for the next few weeks before i fly home?!

8wk - i'm sorry, Lord

i'm sorry, Lord. sorry for the angry hurtful words spoken against my body, my baby. in my anger, i said those words knowingly i was not holding my tongue. i held my temper, but my tongue is which i should hold. i'm sorry, Lord. please forgive me. take away all the damages i have said n made by my tongue, please continue to watch over my little jeremiah n ensure his healthy growth. Lord, take away my depressing emotions, if any in me. i've fought the depression monster n really pray it wont have any hold on my baby. let my baby be healthy and strong physically and emotionally, with a compassionate heart like You. please let him not have memory of what he heard or felt just now. Lord, please forgive me. help me to hold my tongue, my emotions. help joe to hold and manage his emotions. You are still Lord of our family, Lord of my marriage. Jesus, have mercy on me.