time flies.. joe is back to taiwan for work, i'm left with jeremiah in singapore.. though he promised to be back soon, but i feel so alone..
yes past month is hectic and chaos jeremiah's arrival, family tensions and all that stupid cny hype. i barely had a good rest after my confinement. i kinda miss my confinement days - just eat, nurse and rest (though there's emotional stress and tensions around). i really feel the difference from pregnancy to giving birth, from birth to confinement, and from confinement to normal days.
for past 2 weeks, after knowing joe is preparing to return to taiwan.. i admit i had/ have depression. for a start, i simply tried to take on all baby-related tasks by myself (afterall this is how it will be when my hubby is not around). it stressed me out totally esp i also had breasts inflammation due to engorgment *super PAINFUL*.. i had a quarrel with joe. but thank God he's very understanding and even took the initiative to talk to my family for support in his absence. truly, he's a great father who took on all diapering and a great husband who wakes up for all night feeds so i can rest. truly, i'm very scare without him. it's like having my right hand cut off - so many things yet so limited. i'm overwhelmed. i practically cried at every meal grace and every night. how much i will miss him yet how badly i know we need the finances. nothing beats having my supportive husband around... i miss my husband..
Sunday 16 February 2014
Wednesday 5 February 2014
update on 5th week after birth.
finally i have time and energy to log in after giving birth of my little boy jeremiah on 28 dec 2013. yea, that's about 5weeks ago. trust me, the last 5weeks were NOT easy. it's not that jeremiah is difficult to manage, but it's the adults' conflict management that is taxing, esp living with parents and everyone. *it's no wonder married couples rather live on their own, than to live with parents*
anyway, let's recall on 28dec2013. it's the day i planned with doc to induce as it's my 40th week of pregnancy, scheduled for 10am. who knows, my little man decided to come out at his own timing. 0030hr - i started contractions. it's really feel like stomachache, but to my horror i saw a pool of bloody liquid. i hurried to hospital immediately. by 0130hrs i was already in delivery room, pending doc's decision on my bloody discharge. yes, it's norm to have some blood with water bag burst, but mine was fresh blood flow and even some blood clots. that caused for dr cheng's concern and hence i was pushed for emergency c-section operation. i remember was 'j,i will inject and give you some oxygen to breath..' before i went out. the next moment i woke up, i asked for my baby 'how's my baby', someone answered 'he's fine, dont worry'. then i fell back into doze again. at around 0500hr, the nurse pushed my baby boy to my bed. he's so bundled up, like a gift.. sleeping in peace. nurse taught me the basic nursing before leaving him with me. what nursing.. all my heart was filled with surprise, and gladness that my little boy is safe and sleeping next to me. so this is the guy who kicked and punched my internal organs for past weeks. he's such a strong boy, despite his size. my little boy jeremiah.
hospital days went by fast and easy. everything was in control - my recovery and baby's growth. i struggled with colostrum cos the lactation consultants were leaving for their year-end holidays, leaving me with nurses to help. but anyway, i managed to extract less than 3ml for feeding. everything was smooth when nurses around, even though jeremiah was diagnosed to have jaundice on 3rd day.
hell came loose when i discharged from hospital. though joe is with me, but he's unfamiliar with local language (inclusive english) and practice. worse still, i find it hard to manage his living habits with my family. that's the start of everything downhill. my mood swings despite hard self efforts to stay in line. then i'm totally confused with breastfeeding techniques or even schedule - when to latch; when to pump. if i pump what if nothing much left to latch for jeremiah whose feeding is every 2hrs. if i latch, why is jeremiah crying for milk again every 30mins or so, he's supposed to be sleeping for at least 1hr before next feeding.. all the stress and all the questions. i tried my best to stay in control, asking and goggling for answers at night when baby is finally settled. i even made 3 calls to lactation consultants for advice. yes, i was stressed yet a strong front of control for first 2weeks.
then it's 3rd and 4th weeks when it's approaching chinese new year. thank god i've my confinement meals delivery, lest with all the cny hype in the family. i really so upset with my mum who totally crazed over cny. she kept telling me with bb around, priority and routine will have to change yet, i've to give up my breastmilk space to her seafood and even durians in the fridge. here i was already stressed up with breastfeeding and breastmilking, she's complaining about fridge space and even storeroom space cos there's really a lot of bb gifts and clothings from his baby shower. hello, it's not my fault that people likes to give clothings as gifts, right? to top it up, i became inbetween for joe and my family. honestly, i'm already trying to manage myself. thank God that baby jeremiah is easy to manage except his nappy rash (due to inexperienced daddy as nanny).
anyway, let's recall on 28dec2013. it's the day i planned with doc to induce as it's my 40th week of pregnancy, scheduled for 10am. who knows, my little man decided to come out at his own timing. 0030hr - i started contractions. it's really feel like stomachache, but to my horror i saw a pool of bloody liquid. i hurried to hospital immediately. by 0130hrs i was already in delivery room, pending doc's decision on my bloody discharge. yes, it's norm to have some blood with water bag burst, but mine was fresh blood flow and even some blood clots. that caused for dr cheng's concern and hence i was pushed for emergency c-section operation. i remember was 'j,i will inject and give you some oxygen to breath..' before i went out. the next moment i woke up, i asked for my baby 'how's my baby', someone answered 'he's fine, dont worry'. then i fell back into doze again. at around 0500hr, the nurse pushed my baby boy to my bed. he's so bundled up, like a gift.. sleeping in peace. nurse taught me the basic nursing before leaving him with me. what nursing.. all my heart was filled with surprise, and gladness that my little boy is safe and sleeping next to me. so this is the guy who kicked and punched my internal organs for past weeks. he's such a strong boy, despite his size. my little boy jeremiah.
hospital days went by fast and easy. everything was in control - my recovery and baby's growth. i struggled with colostrum cos the lactation consultants were leaving for their year-end holidays, leaving me with nurses to help. but anyway, i managed to extract less than 3ml for feeding. everything was smooth when nurses around, even though jeremiah was diagnosed to have jaundice on 3rd day.
hell came loose when i discharged from hospital. though joe is with me, but he's unfamiliar with local language (inclusive english) and practice. worse still, i find it hard to manage his living habits with my family. that's the start of everything downhill. my mood swings despite hard self efforts to stay in line. then i'm totally confused with breastfeeding techniques or even schedule - when to latch; when to pump. if i pump what if nothing much left to latch for jeremiah whose feeding is every 2hrs. if i latch, why is jeremiah crying for milk again every 30mins or so, he's supposed to be sleeping for at least 1hr before next feeding.. all the stress and all the questions. i tried my best to stay in control, asking and goggling for answers at night when baby is finally settled. i even made 3 calls to lactation consultants for advice. yes, i was stressed yet a strong front of control for first 2weeks.
then it's 3rd and 4th weeks when it's approaching chinese new year. thank god i've my confinement meals delivery, lest with all the cny hype in the family. i really so upset with my mum who totally crazed over cny. she kept telling me with bb around, priority and routine will have to change yet, i've to give up my breastmilk space to her seafood and even durians in the fridge. here i was already stressed up with breastfeeding and breastmilking, she's complaining about fridge space and even storeroom space cos there's really a lot of bb gifts and clothings from his baby shower. hello, it's not my fault that people likes to give clothings as gifts, right? to top it up, i became inbetween for joe and my family. honestly, i'm already trying to manage myself. thank God that baby jeremiah is easy to manage except his nappy rash (due to inexperienced daddy as nanny).
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