29wk - hello insulin

i better post this now, since i'm in good (better) mood today..

since my visit to Dr Peter Hwang yesterday, i have to admit insulin injection does help in improving my mood, despite my fear of direct injection into tummy. *it's almost like 'stabbing' myself, seeing the needle peircing in my skin~* of course, i was disheartened - very disappointed (again) when i didnt pass the control test. for the past 7 days, i tried all ways - changing diet, having meals at intervals and even took really manageable meals but all in vain. despite my efforts, i even lost 1kg which is not acceptable for pregnancy! sigh.. what can i do? i did mention that this pregnancy is NOT easy, totally UNlike those i've known.

i wonder what kind of higher calling does my baby jeremiah have.. cos having him is really not easy~! yes, i'm also too weak to have this pregnancy, but yet it happens. i want the best for him, at least a good clean health record, but yet i keep hitting disappointments with my own body. having jeremiah is such a difficult and unusual process, so his calling better be great~

after staying home for past weeks, i managed to pull myself out under the hot afternoon sun for lunch. initially, i really didnt want to go out, no matter how hard my mind tried to convince the body that i should. firstly, i dont like to eat alone; secondly, i've no idea where or what to eat. eventually i settled for cheap hawker food, even though my mind is suggesting some cafes to eat,rest and relax. yes, i injected my tummy in public hawker center, but i didnt care. hello, when you are diabetic, your priority is more of ensuring your health and your baby, rather than the view of those around you. so what if it's 'not usual', it's not as if i've to strip to inject, it's merely revealing a bit of tummy for injection. nothing else matters when my baby's health is concerned.

anyway, i really should go out every thursday for a tea-time break or something.. something which will cheer me up, after cooping at home all week (including weekends). and yes, remind me to bring my glucose test kit, together with insulin pen, whenever i go out. *i had to rush back within that 2hrs to test my blood!* other than that, if i can, i wish someone could carry my bag for me too - it's getting heavier with necessities such as water, medication and now insulin pen and test kit. i might bring a cabin luggage when i go out.

28wk - Gestational diabetes

gestational diabetes.. yes, doc tells me most women with gestational diabetes don't remain diabetic after the baby is born. But the part he chose to miss out is once you've had gestational diabetes, you're at higher risk for getting it again in future pregnancy and for developing diabetes later in life. 

i know i'm at high risk of diabetes cos of my family medical history, but even so.. all these years i've quit my sweet tooth and been controlling my sugar intake - be it starch or sugar. it's a hard slap on my face that i'll still in high risk diabetic during pregnancy and old age. yes, it's good that i'm diagnosed at early stage now, but it's harder to control with pregnancy now! i have to provide for jeremiah yet i have to specially control my diet. 

cant help sighing.. why is my pregnancy so difficult?!! yes, it's God-bless but.. so many downs and 'negative' news!! i could take it then, cos joe was with me at the gyn visit. but now that he's returned to taiwan, i'm alone to manage this problem. .. i'm not even sure how to control, esp i've already been controlling all these years..  

all i pray is whatever sickness or illness, let it stop at me.. dont pass it on to little jeremiah. he will grow into a healthy person, with no such 'family medical history'.. in Jesus' Name, i pray. 

27wk - look forward to tomorrow

nothing usual - i guess my down emotions has kinda drained out by now, that i can see things in better perspective. or perhaps it's due to the fact that joe is coming for a week tomorrow, i finally have a husband by my side during this pregnancy, even though it's only 6days.

as day goes by, little jeremiah is adjusting himself inside with his moves and kicks, i kinda wonder if december will come sooner than i thought. suddenly i was able to give some kind of advice to delia who just pregnant (after a painful ordeal), i was kinda surprise to realise i've actually come this far with my difficult pregnancy. i guess at this rate, jeremiah will be in my arms very soon. gosh, will it be another depressing attack of worrying and taking care of him??

i'm not sure if my placenta has moved up..or is it still lying low. but in whichever the case, i know jeremiah is a sure-happen thing now. no matter how disappointing my body is, little jeremiah will still be born and i have to embark into another role in life. nursing him, and might even miss him so much while adjusting into a new job. i have never miss anyone when i travel abroad, i wonder how is this missing will be in future.

yes, a lot to prepare for his arrival. but i can finally take comfort that i will be seeing joe tomorrow - to discuss in person, to decide and to plan... at least for the next 6 days, i wont be alone facing those stress; at least i'd have someone to go out with, out of this 4walls of house.