March 2013 - i received invitations for a job interview in Singapore, something i look forward to return to Singapore yet in my heart i'm unsure.. fyi, God closed this door soon after.
beginning April 2013 - as if a call from Heaven, i received a call from my neighbour one morning *i knew her from a social gathering, organised by existing community. never do i expect her to remember or to call me! she actually went to security guardhouse for my internal apartment line~! such persistent!* and as if a sudden drop of gift from Above, she wanted to rent me a bigger apartment (3-rooms, compared to my existing 2-rooms)! seriously, i was surprised and perhaps in shock to receive such offer. however, being rationale since i've planned to return to Singapore on 23May (for good), we politely turned her down.. straight in her face. you should have seen how i stammered in my reply, and how she disappointed looked.
mid April 2013 - looking forward to return to Singapore, yet still feeling uncertain in my heart on my planned return.. i kinda challenged God - the only reason You can make me stay in Taiwan is to have me pregnant. i mean, this is really the best reason (excuse) to cancel all the planning and announcements that i'm finally able to return to Singapore. yes, it is a dare challenge.. and frankly i was not putting my heart into my words, afterall i really want to return to my comfort zone. but i guess, my cellgroup leader - layla took it and prayed for me. and behold~ that particular week, He answered to our prayer with a '等待 wait' rhema. .. wait - it reminds me of my D-days.. how faithful God is, and how REAL God is when i waited for Him. so wait it shall be..
25th April 2013 - there's a milk fair organised by this community. *i really like this community - clean, modern and full of activities for residents* joe also started to order this delicious milk to be delivered to my doorstep daily, even though it's less than a month to my departure. initially the uncle kinda reluctant to clinch this deal cos it's less than a month, but i thank God for this auntie who was willing to compromise and accept our special arrangement. the milk is really delicious~ cow's milk with full-grain nutrients! even if i'm not pregnant, this sure helps in my daily requirement of B-complex.
30th April 2013 - my menstruation has still not come. i tried not to think much, though i kept a close watch on my breasts - how tender they are becoming. when i consult my chinese physician on my weekly review, i also reminded him how irregular my period has been hence this should not be something to be alarmed about. yet, being the caring and cautious physician, he adviced me against certain diet (eg barley) even though it's not confirmed that i'm pregnant, and he suggested for pregnancy test later a few days later. honestly i really thank God for his advice, cos i had a pot of barley dessert waiting for me at home that day~ in the end, joe had to finish it all.
2nd May 2013 - ok, i should give you some background for this sharing.. my church has organised an 溯溪 river-tracing event on 5th May. somehow in my inner man, i had this uneasiness to join them and perhaps i should at least 'warn' them about my suspected pregnancy. *i'm still waiting for weekends to come so i can test* trust me, i struggled internally. i mean, what if it's just my usual delayed menstruation? if so, there's no need to make such hoo-ha, right? frankly, i was really in a muddle that night. i attended cellgroup with such complexity that i really didn't give much attention to the message. i looked for opportunity to talk to layla, but she's rather busy serving others so i kinda chickened out and carried this complexity back home. in the middle of the night, around 4am, i woke up with such heavy heart. simply cant sleep, the question of to-inform-or-not-to-inform debated till 5.30am, when i finally left a message to layla on should pregnant woman allowed to river-trace, then i was able to doze back to sleep.
3rd May 2013 - you who are smart should have guessed what happened this day. layla jumped into conclusion that i'm pregnant and urged me to conduct pregnancy test that day. *honestly i was really hoping to test it a few days later; afterall ignorance is a bliss sometime* her urge was so encouraging, so i kinda dragged myself out to buy the test kit and on the way - my lunch. i didn't eat a lot, in fact no appetite to eat. i gave up on trying to eat and did the test at 12noon. wah lah, this is the fastest result i've ever seen in my experience! just a first few drops, the 2 strips are already clearly indicated! it's as if they're so eager to let me know~ my heart leaped yet fell with a heavy bump. this would imply my plan to return will be affected. seriously, i could just see God's grin at a corner of my eye. yes, this IS how HUMOROUS God is. He never fails to amaze me with His Plan and Ways. i'm always totally defeated by His humor! don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm not happy about His Plan, but seriously? does He always have to arrange it 'last minute'? how timely can He be~! i simply have no idea how to tell joe~
after a exciting, comforting and assuring chat with layla who dashed to meet me after her class (and after my dancing class), my heart kinda accepted 70% of this news. ok, faith arises and action has to be done, the plans will have to be re-thought. is it going to be my plan or His Plan? seriously, at this point, i am still in awe of His humor..helplessly in awe. it's like everything i've planned is tossed upside-down and i've to re-look into re-arranging. seriously, the thought of this make me feel so helpless. yes, i'm happy, super happy to be a mother, but looking at the 'mess' to re-arrange, you can just imagine how tiring it is.
with my simplified inspiration of milk bottle, i shared this news to my baby's father - joe. it's after our 石二鍋steamboat dinner that i finally braced courage to reveal the bottle. omg, his eyes went red and were tearing! omg! he's more emotional than me! i guess i was more 'defeated by God's humour' than to feel the emotions. since then, it's roller-coaster ride~
first, i eagerly waited for my mum to return from her facial in order to break the news in front of whole family via skype. when she finally came back, when i finally broke the news, i was kinda disappointed with their reactions. i mean, my two crazy sisters were excited alright, but my parents... i know it's the norm of older generation to celebrate only when it's confirmed.. but still it hurts me to see how calmly they responded. honestly, my spirit sank.. even when layla and her husband visited us to pray for us and bless us, my heart still is kinda affected. in fact, i'm so affected that it ruined the rest of the night. i just wanted to share my joy, even if it's 'short-term' lah. why cant they just 'go with the flow'? i thank God for jancy whom i messaged my complaints. yes, i really thank God for His work in jancy. while i pour my complaints out, she was able to understand and even shared in a 'Christian manner'. i'm surprised how that chat blessed me, instead of deepening my complaints. God is indeed working in my family! Salvation is at work!
4th May 2013 - spent 6hrs waiting at the infamous gynecologist, only to find my baby embryo is nesting safely in my womb at 0.628mm. .*honestly, the 6hrs wait is exchanged for a less than 5mins consultation! is this how taiwanese 'famous' doctors manage their patients? i miss my old naggy gynecologist in Singapore - she's so famous yet she treats every patient with care and consideration time to explain and prepare them on expectations. oh seriously, i wish she's here to nag at me on what to do/expect next* i'm to follow-up again 2 weeks's time to check for heartbeat *sounds exciting?*
and this is the day when i feel i'm getting easily irritable, esp when i picked a quarrel with joe who accompanied me through the 6hrs. honestly, i know it's not his fault that he was not aware of how to take care of me. afterall he's not taught like we are exposed in Singapore, and it's his first time visiting gynecologist for ultra-sound scan, but it's just so me to blow it out and feel (good) tired after that. *don't worry we are fine after an afternoon nap*
5th May 2013 - i finally paid attention to all my tiredness. even though i'm out with my in-laws but i cant help feeling sleepy and yawning. i must have given them a 'heck-care' face cos i'm really so tired in front of them. it's joe who broke the news to them. i'm not sure if they are really happy about it, but i remember my mil was glad that i'm going back soon to be under the care of my mother. seriously, after the episode with my parents, i really don't care how the elders are taking it, i just want eat and rest. and so i did.
the question now is.. God, do you want me to stay in Taiwan or return to Singapore? You know we have to give birth in Singapore, where my mother will be able to take care of my confinement. But.. do you want me to leave on 23May 2013?
No comments:
Post a Comment