i am feeling depressed past days.. very depressed..
it's sad to know i am not able to buy new clothes and new baby
stuff for my first born (perhaps only child) jeremiah.. from one who earns
S$5000 per month, now i've to look everywhere to save - my own social
expenditure, my baby's preparation expenses.. cos joe is now only earning
S$1500 (after conversion from taiwan income). i feel so bad that i cant even
buy nice new stuff for my jeremiah.. i even begin to doubt if it's a right
decision to bring him into this world, when i'm not financially independent.
i've nothing against reusing baby stuff.. i welcome them as
blessings from others. nevertheless, it hurts me so much that i cant even buy
that nice baby romper or baby stroller /cot for jeremiah. what kind of mother
am i?
besides that, it hurts to plan and go through all these
preparation myself.. it reminds me of my wedding where i have to take care of
every details, as if i'm desperate to marry off.. i dont like my wedding. i
dont want to have this feeling for jeremiah.. but i cant help it. it seems i'm
the one doing, searching, and planning everything here.. esp with the need to
save and maximise economical value, my family even think i'm miser. how to tell
them that jow is only earning $1500 now - lowest salary by singapore's
standard, even my old aged mum earns more than him, and my show-off sister keeps
telling people i'm miser.. when i was earning $5000 ididnt have to thin much on
spending on things i like, for people i like.. let alone my baby jeremiah.. i
feel so ashamed, so bad that i cant provide him properly.. when others are
happily shopping and planning for newborn, i've to think and search for ways to
help him survive.. what kind of mother i am..
i really want to provide for you, jeremiah.. but i'm sorry.. i
cant afford now..
No comments:
Post a Comment